“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” “If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.” Jeremiah 29: 11,13
Last night my husband and I went to a Matthew West concert at our church. Although he is an amazing entertainer, it is the truths he spoke that resonated with me. The main concept that worked in and convicted my spirit is; Am I really All In? Am I all in with my family? Am I all in at my job? And most importantly…Am I all in, in my walk with God?
I would love to say that the answer to all of these questions is yes, but the honest answer is; No I am NOT.
As I tell the ladies in my Bible study often, I can be very selfish in my relationship with my husband and kids. I’m working on it but I am still selfish more often than I am not. I love my job and my boss (I am SO blessed for that!) but I sometimes have days that I struggle. And I have most definitly have not been ‘All In’ with my walk with God. Like any of us, I can list off things that I do or have done but that doesn’t mean they are things that Jesus has asked me specifically to do.
I was called out on this last Sunday when T.C. Stallings spoke at our church. His sermon hit this point all too well. One of the first things he said is that we need to get OUR agenda out of the way. We need to be seeking and doing God’s will in our lives, not our own. And to put our ALL into whatever that might be. We should be loving our families, doing our jobs and walking with God as if it is our last day before going Home to Him.
I like to journal my prayers and it’s another thing that I struggle with. Another God thing that I have a whole bunch of ‘Buts’ for. When I do journal; the last note I make on most of my daily journal entries is ‘My life is yours God. Use me.’ And for the most part I mean it. Then the “Buts” come along.
“But I have work. But I travel an hour to and from work every day. But I have Bible study. But I need to do this or that at home. But I’m tired.”
BUT. BUT. BUT…But I have time to binge-watch shows on Netflix and Hulu. 😔
Friends, I am tired of the ‘Buts’ in my life. I know I have said it before and here it is again because I am a bit slow on the uptake.
I believe with all my heart that God is calling me to go into a public speaking ministry. And all I want to say is…But, but, but. I kind of feel like Moses when he was telling God that he couldn’t go speak with Pharoh due to his speech impediment -that Pharoh wouldn’t listen to him because of it (Exodus 6:30). And I feel like Paul when he said that he’s the worst sinner around (1 Tim 1:15). I am no-one. I am not like the speakers that I have learned so much from. I haven’t gone through horrendous things in my life. Difficulties, yes, but not in the lines of what they have been through. I don’t have a degree in Theology…
Our ‘But God’ led me to speak with my pastor a few weeks ago about where I feel God is leading me. I am so completely embarrassed. Friends, I could not shut up! 😳 I am not one to try and be the center of attention. I really like to stay in the background. I feel like apologizing to him. All the embarrassment aside, I am so grateful that I did speak with him though. He didn’t laugh at me or discourage me. Instead, he gave me guidance on how to move forward. And I have begun taking those steps. One of which is joining Toastmasters to improve my public speaking and to see if this is really where God is leading me.
I don’t know how, where or when God is going to open a door for me to speak publicly and that’s ok. My deepest desire is to do HIS will. If His will is for me to do something entirely different…that’s ok too.
Because my life is His and I want Him to use me for His will, not my own.
How about you? What is God calling YOU to do?
Don’t know? Ask Him. Go to Him in prayer-as verse 13 in Jeremiah 29 tells us-He’s not hiding from us. If we seek Him, we will find Him. Be in His Word and find a Bible believing and teaching church.
I hope you take this journey with me.
With lots of love and in Jesus’ precious name.