A Struggling Wife & Mom

“So when God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose, he guaranteed it with an oath, so that by two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf…” Hebrew 6:17-20a

Do you ever feel like a failure in different parts of your life?  I have and I do.

I’ve been really struggling for the last several months in a few of my personal relationships. I feel like I’ve gone from a (halfway) decent wife and mom to a complete failure. My house is a constant mess, I really like to order out more than I cook (I hate cooking) and I have to have an internal agrument with myself to get the housework done…and more often than not that tends to fall through.

What happened to me?

When my husband and I first moved into our house nine years ago I kept the house in great condition. I cleaned from floor to ceiling, I cooked regularly and I made an effort to spend time with everyone. Now? None of the above. 😦

I’d like to say that I don’t know what happened but to be honest I do…I’ve become a bit self-centered. I make excuses that I have an hour’s commute each way every day, that I have Bible study during the week and so on. And when I am home I’m on some type of device a good portion of the time…to state it clearly-I’ve been living in my own little world.

God has thankfully come along and has given me a good shake and woke me up to my behavior. Which I’m grateful for-even though it hurt my heart to realize what I’ve been doing… You see, I haven’t even told you the worst of it yet. 😦 I’ve been judging other people for doing the same thing this whole while! ‘She’s all about herself’, I’d state. ‘What about her husband and kids’, would run through my mind. And at the end of the day I’m worse than any of them.

I’m worse because I am a follower of Jesus and I’ve behaved more like a Pharisee. Instead of showing love and offering help, I’ve stood by and criticized. And I’m so sad and sorry for that. I would think that I’d know better.

Why? Because when my kids were little my house was a complete and utter disaster…and I was OK with that. I was a single mom and was more concerned with having quality time with my kids than worrying about cleaning the house. That’s one reason I’m struggling with my recent actions… actions that show that I’ve been far more concerned with doing whatever I want to do and not worry about anyone else and what they may need.

When we find ourselves in a place like this it can be easy to allow those same negative thoughts-like I had about others-to swamp our minds and make us feel ashamed and unworthy. Ashamed of our behavior and unworthy of forgiveness and love. We may not always find that love and forgiveness in the ones we love, we’re human and that can be a struggle at times to give, but we have a Heavenly Father that is forgiving and always loves us. With and through His love for us we find Hope.

While I was re-listening to a book this morning-Lee Strobel’s ‘A Case For Hope’-he used the scripture above, in Hebrews chapter 6. One of the statements he made really stood out to me. He stated that the use of an Anchor as pertaining to Hope is a good comparison. That ‘Hope is only good as what we anchor to it’. And I anchor mine to our God.

That concept right there gives me peace along with all that Hope. Because that Hope reminds me that it is never too late to have a do-over in my life. It is not too late for me to become a good wife and mother, a good worker and co-worker, or a good friend (another aspect I need to work on). It reminds me that as selfish and sinful I may be at times, God isn’t going to change His mind about me. Once I gave my life to Him through His Son (and MY Lord and Savior) Jesus the Christ…I am His forever and always.

So I am going to ask you to share that love that God is giving you to those you love and to those around you. Offer help to the mom and wife that may seem like she’s being selfish when she very well may struggling too. Often, our actions will speak louder than our words.

Have a blessed day my friends.

In Jesus’ precious name.

Tara

“For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O Lord, from my youth.” Psalm 71:5