“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.” Psalm 1: 1–3
As I sit here and type these words I am so sad at the fact that I’ve allowed months to go by without writing a word here. My heart and my mind have been in so many different places. Places that I have been before and wanted to not enter into again. Places of uncertainty and fear. Places that it took me too much time to ask God to enter in to. I can feel myself beginning to go down into the pit of sadness. I’m not sure if I can call it depression. Maybe that is what the pit itself is. Depression. I am not there, yet. And I don’t plan to be.
In these last few months I’ve needed the reminder that God is the One who I need to keep my eyes upon. Not on my situations or those I love. I needed the reminder that He and He alone is my Provider (Jehova Jireh). I needed to know in the deepest rececesses of my heart that He is there. That He knows that my heart is hurting and is fearful…and that He cares.
I know that my faith has grown since the last time I went down this hill. Into the pit. This time I pray that it is His will that comes to pass, not my own. I pray that He gives me comfort and guidance. That He gives me His peace in my weary heart. Yet I can still feel the sadness that some of things I wanted to happen didn’t come to pass. But God knows best. Part of me wants to say “I guess”… but I know it’s true.
He IS my HOPE and my REDEEMER.
I loved the reminder in church service this past Sunday that the first candle on the Advent Wreath symbolizes HOPE. My faith in Him is what maintains my HOPE.
My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73: 26
He has reminded me why it is so very important to be in His Word regularly. It is our time in His word that places it in our hearts and our minds when the difficult days come. And they WILL come. It is then that scripture like the one above come to mind that reminds us of who we are to Him. He is our rock. Our place of refuge and safety. It is all too easy to take the words of ‘refuge and safety’ and think that He is not, or shouldn’t, allow us to go through those dark days. No my friend. It means that He will walk along side us through it.
Although my heart is sad right now, I know that this is nothing compared to some of the very dark days that I’ve already walked through. Days where I wished so much that God would just take me. But He didn’t. Instead He made His presence known to me. Letting me know that “I am here”. He didn’t promise me that things would get better or that I’d get what I wanted. No. He gave me a much better gift. Himself.
To some, I am a Jesus fanatic. Yeah, maybe I am. I have no shame in that. It is He and He alone that kept me from wanting my life to come to a close. He and He alone that has walked with me every single day of my life. I cannot tell you how much I wish I could share that understanding with my husband and my kids. That they wouldn’t have to go through hard days to find and strengthen their faith.
But it is their walk with Him that will do that. Just as it is mine that will continue to strengthen me and bring me even closer to Him.
Friends, I have missed you so much. I pray you all are doing well. That you are seeking His precious face each and every day. Jesus loves you so very, very much. He is our Hope in the dark places. Seek Him and you will find Him.
With all my love,
**Below are some scriptures that you can turn to concerning our Hope in Him. I have not written them all out so you can go and open your Bible and see what comfort being in it can be.**
1 Peter 5:10; Isaiah 40:31; Jeremiah 29:11; Phillipians 1:16; Phillipians 3: 13-14
Psalm 3:2-6; 2 Corinthians 4: 17-18; Romans 5:5; Romans 8:8; Isaiah 43: 1-2
Lamentations 3:22; Deuteronomy 31:6; Jeremiah 17: 7-8